"At X-mas of 2019 I got an unexpected bonus from work and as we already had a substantial amount set aside for a wedding."
Cover Image for representational purposes
Children love to have their parents' approval on major life decisions, especially when it comes to marrying their partners. This 31-year-old Redditor named aitamumuninvited was one of them. But, unfortunately, his mother had a terrible issue with her future daughter-in-law's decision that would stop her from embracing her. Offering a backstory to the conflict, the OP wrote that his partner of 11 years, Sarah had been in a car accident three years ago that caused her scars on her torso, left arm, and jaw. He explained that Sarah was too self-conscious with the scars and would often hide them with make-up. As a permanent fix for the situation, the duo discussed having them removed before marriage because she wasn't too comfortable facing a huge crowd in her current situation. "At X-mas of 2019 I got an unexpected bonus from work and as we already had a substantial amount set aside for a wedding I suggested we use the bonus to pay for plastic surgery."
Sarah went ahead and got the surgery and she came out happy with how she now looks, albeit with a few small lines that would fade away in time. The surgery, now out of the way, the couple began planning for their wedding in October and she went dress shopping with her mother, sister, and the OPs mother. When the mother noticed the scars, a conflict began to brew. "At the shop, my mother saw the scars and enquired about why they looked so different from her original scars. Sarah explained about the plastic surgery and then my mother didn't mention it again so we didn't think it was a big deal." Unfortunately, it was indeed a big deal because the mother told the soon-to-be groom that it was "immoral to marry some as indecent" and that she found it 'disgusting" that Sarah had plastic surgery.
This led to a major argument and the OP told off his mother that she wasn't invited to the wedding if she was going to hold negative feelings over a plastic surgery that made Sarah feel comfortable in her skin. The OP then added that this caused the mother to break down in tears. "Now half my family is pissed at me for uninviting and upsetting her." He came to Reddit to figure out if he was justified in uninviting his mother or if he was in the wrong for doing so. People on the sub had a field day criticizing the mother for being so crass and telling the OP he was well within his means to respond the way he did.
User AngelIslington said the OP was Not The A**hole and wrote; " First of all, I want to give you some respect here, it’s clear that the scars didn’t bother you at all. But you recognized how they are affecting Sarah and her self-esteem, and that you both talked about it openly, and were happy for your bonus to go towards her surgery, for her more for you." Kettlewise seconded the sentiment and questioned why the family wasn't mad about the mother's reaction. KngLady commended the OP for supporting his fiance. "Your mom was out of line and would've been even if the plastic surgery wasn't for scarring." L3rambi added: "No way. Stand by your partner. Your mother was way out of line.
NTA. Also, how dare she even act upset about being uninvited to a wedding she considers immoral? If that's how she feels she should be fine with it." The overwhelming response was that the mother spoke when it wasn't her turn and she was not justified in badmouthing her soon-to-be daughter-in-law.